Center Pensées - French Center for Psychotherapy in Berlin
Communication styles
By Dr. Dipl.-Psych Sarah Fitzroy - English psychologist in Berlin
Communication
Communication is essential in many relationships, but we all have different communication styles to make ourselves heard and understood. We're often encouraged to be more assertive in our communication styles to avoid being passive or aggressive. In his book "The 5 Love Languages", author Gary Chapman suggests the 5 ways to communicate in relationships:
words of affirmation: positive words addressed to others
quality time: spending time on shared activities
receiving gifts: buying gifts to show your love
acts of service: showing care by performing tasks or chores for others
physical touch: hugging, holding hands, intimate contact to show affection.
These are all ways of showing that we care about others in a relationship. However, conflicts can arise when communication is misunderstood, even if we speak a "language" other than the five mentioned above.
Center Pensées - French Therapy Center in Berlin.
Communication and advice
However, how many of us take the time to think about the importance of really listening to others in our daily conversations so that the other person feels seen, heard and understood. Indeed, in the event of trauma, a person can feel very disconnected from society and not feel "seen or heard". Indeed, traumatic events often involve relationships and a breakdown in trust with others. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and isolation from others. Counseling can provide a therapeutic space through reflective listening, holding space, validation, non-judgment and compassion, to enable people who have experienced trauma to regain trust in human relationships.
However, therapeutic listening to others doesn't have to be confined to the therapy room. We can all naturally improve our listening skills when we hear the problems of our friends and family. This can involve using mindfulness techniques, such as making space for the person we're listening to and giving them our full attention instead of the usual distractions of the telephone or television. It can also mean taking the time to understand what it's like to "put yourself in the person's shoes" without interfering or feeling like you have to save them. Sometimes, simply letting someone know that you're interested in their situation can be enough to allow them to be seen and heard, so that healing from the trauma can take place.
If you'd like to learn more about effective communication and listening skills, it may be worth taking an introductory counseling course to find out more. Further information can be found on the BACP website: https://www.bacp.co.uk/careers/careers-in-counselling/training/.
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