The Hedgehog Dilemma: between closeness and pain in human relationships

Sigmund Freud, the famous Austrian psychoanalyst, used a multitude of metaphors to explore and explain the complexities of the human psyche.

In his essay "The Malaise of Civilization", he uses an image coined by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, likening humans to hedgehogs, to describe the human condition: they need each other to improve their lot, but hurt each other if they get too close.

If the other is indispensable to our well-being, at the same time, its existence limits our access to enjoyment and freedom. Individuals, he explains, have a fundamental need for intimacy and connection with others. However, this closeness can often generate 'spice' in the form of conflict, frustration and emotional suffering. As a result, people oscillate between closeness and distance, continually searching for the happy medium that minimizes pain while maximizing emotional comfort.

The hedgehog metaphor, in the end, continues to offer a rich reflection on human nature, highlighting both our fundamental need for connection and the challenges inherent in satisfying it. It reminds us that balance in our relationships is not only desirable, but essential to our psychological well-being.

What can we learn from it? 

This metaphor teaches us the importance of self-reflection and understanding others. By recognizing and respecting our own limits and those of others, we can create healthier, deeper bonds.